Survivor blog

This was not a planned blog post because of the unexpected circumstances in which I am posting.I had to address this, if I have to move on, as it is an important part of my journey. I lost my mother on June 16th. Her name was Daisy and she was 88 years old. While we were blessed to have her in our lives for so long, it doesn’t make it any easier…there is a deep sense of sadness that comes in waves..

***A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take. —***

***Cardinal Marmillod***

I would say, my mother had quite a healthy, happy life, for the most part.That doesn’t mean things were smooth sailing for her. Married to my late father at the very young age of 16 she raised 7 children.Lets just say our family was ‘The Brady bunch, 7th Heaven, and The wonder years’ all put together! So you get the idea what she was dealing with:) She was strong willed, resilient and street smart, some of the many traits she had, to handle the seven of us !!! She knew exactly what our strengths and weaknesses were and molded us accordingly, in our own unique ways.With Mom, each one of us felt special and loved. She was the one who held the fort together, as my Dad was always busy with his work. She was also musically talented and could play the piano and sing beautifully.While not all of us acquired her musical trait, there is one trait the seven of us inherited from her, and that is her toughness.She taught us to be strong, tough and calm in the middle of a storm, figuratively speaking that is, because she was terrified of the real thunderstorms:) She would start praying till it was over!!!

Being the only daughter in the family, we obviously had a much stronger bond. As I grieved, I was reminiscing about all the good times I had with my mother, going back as far as I could remember, right from my childhood days when she held my hand, to the day she held my hand, during the birth of my two children! While we did have our mother daughter bickering, she was also like a sister I never had. She was my shopping buddy, fashion critique, movie companion and culinary teacher who never failed to compliment me for something or the other, every time she spoke to me! I was going over all those beautiful memories and suddently and sadly, I went into the ‘ I wish I had’ mode with a list running in my head:(

I wish I had picked up the phone to talk to her the day before ! I wish I had not been impatient when she asked me the same question 5 times! I wish I had not been arguing with her the last time I visited her! I wish I had gone to see her sooner! Then I realized it does not matter because she had uncconditonal love for me and that is the essence of being a parent.I don’t think she had any regrets.I understand that now, being a mother myself! My brother jokingly often reminded us ‘every year after 80 is a bonus’ meaning don’t take those years for granted but make the most of it.I think we all tried to make the most of those precious years, in our own ways.

I am so glad she never knew about my diagnsois and she left peacefully knowing that all her children are healthy and happy.I recently started taking piano lessons in the hopes of not only finding my inner music genes but also my way of keeping her spirit alive.

I will miss her dearly but I know she is watching over me and I hope to continue her legacy and make her proud! As one of my friends called me a ‘chip of the old block’ I thought to myself …I sure hope so!

Here’s a peom that I came across and it really touched my heart and I hope it will touch yours too!

To Mom, with Love.....